Aaron Hernandez suicide - why it does and does not make sense

Aaron Hernandezs death officially ruled a suicide, notes found in cell

Most anyone who has been arrested for a crime, and is pending judgment, has contemplated suicide. This goes with the territory. Uncertain of what is going to happen, fearful of being ripped from family, friends and society and ending up behind bars, it's natural actually to think of an exit that obviates all that - the easy way out.

But just as Albert Camus once referred to suicide as the only true philosophical question (To be, or not to be), eventually calmer heads prevail and suicide is realized to be an overly permanent solution to a temporary problem. We, looking at doing time, calm down and decide that weeks, months, even years behind bars is nothing to kill yourself over, and eventually we buckle down to accept our fate.

Life in prison however, especially without the possibility of parole, presents a unique dilemma. In that situation, we're not getting out. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, as far as freedom is concerned. But even in these situations, we might have some hope of appeal (consider Shawshank Redemption, or, the true life story of Joe Hunt of Billionaire Boys Club fame, who has been fighting his murder conviction with appeals and writs since the 1980s), which keeps us going. Even without the possibility of appeal, or after all appeals have been exhausted, many inmates discover that life goes on, even behind bars for life, and that while freedom may no longer be a possibility, life is. There are numerous writings on the subject, including the powerful We're All Doing Time by the late Bo Lozoff, which proposes that there is no difference between life on the inside or out, and that everything happens for a positive, proper reason directed towards the good of the universe. In other words, that prison may be as much an ashram, a source of enlightenment and joy, as any monastery, and definitely nothing to cry over or fear.

Aaron Hernandez was apparently found with a verse of the Bible scrawled on his head: John 3:16, which refers to eternal life for anyone who believes in Jesus. If Hernandez truly believed this, or at least decided that he did, then perhaps his suicide, in the wake of life long confinement, made sense. If a shoplifter looking at a few months in jail contemplates suicide, then why not the guy locked up for life.

What does not make sense, though, is the timing of Hernandez's suicide. For the most part, anyone pinched for a crime might contemplate suicide while going through the agonizing period of pre trial movement through the court system (which is actually, especially hard to handle while out on bail - where being taken into custody becomes a real possibility at most every court appearance), but such suicidal thoughts are generally pushed back in the mind until closer to the day of judgment. Why off yourself when out on bail? Live it up, and forget, enjoy the freedom while you can. Makes more sense to do it, just before sentencing, or even, at sentencing, like this chap who killed himself right after judgment was pronounced:

Man appears to commit suicide after guilty verdict - Telegraph

And that is why the Aaron Hernandez's suicide does not make sense. He exited right after a victory on his latest trial, a complete acquittal, and before his appeals were exhausted on his murder conviction from his first trial. Why wouldn't he have been infused with new hope of an appeals victory after winning a trial? Killing himself when he did, would be akin to leaving well before sentencing.

But then again, perhaps what this had to do with, was guilt. Perhaps he knew that he was guilty in one or both of these cases, and couldn't live with himself any longer. Perhaps the days and nights in jail for someone who had just started to accustom himself to an upscale lifestyle were just too much. And maybe, deep down, he had given up hope on any chance of getting out on appeal. Could he have somehow also known that a suicide while on appeal would reverse his conviction? Might he have thought that this would help his family?

In wake of suicide, Aaron Hernandez conviction will be voided - The Boston Globe

Patriots now might owe Aaron Hernandez millions

There are of course other psychological theories, that the proximity of his child and fiancee during his last trial were just too much for him; that it reminded him too much of his lost free life. Hernandez apparently also timed his suicide for the day his fellow New England Patriots were visiting the White House for congratulations following their Super Bowl win. Obviously, for whatever reason, it was all too much for him, and the apparently strong gangster type who seemed confidently at ease during his first trial, took the easy exit from life, and from culpability.